if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
