My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
