She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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