Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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