You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
