I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
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