Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
