whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
