need another drink. this is the easiest way
Yo dont text me then not text me
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
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