I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
