i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
