my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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