dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
