; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Randomize
