I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
