We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
