dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
