I skipped work to stalk him.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
