Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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