They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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