I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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