And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
50% drunk capacity currently
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
