I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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