I feel great
I just peed on a car
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
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