you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
