I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
