Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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