a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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