Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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