so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
