I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
