Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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