What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
