They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
i now understand why vodka
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
