I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
