It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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