batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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