i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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