"it" just moved
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
