Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
