when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
