I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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