Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
