put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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