hell yes lets make some ravioli
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
