Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
