That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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