I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
