you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
