i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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